Ok, this is a shout out to all the ladies who have been raped and the ones who were raped but do not know it, hold your heads up high ladies you are still worth it.
If you were chilling with your ‘friend’ and he jumped you, and you said ‘no’ (even once) but did it anyway, if you were cornered, felt pressured or consented under duress, you were raped. If you did not enjoy it because you did not want it, if you, submitted because you were afraid of the repercussions of saying ‘no’ you were raped, the bottom line ladies, if you had sex when you do not want to have sex but have it anyway…you were probably raped.
Think back ladies, especially if he was your friend when it happened, do you remember saying yes for sure? Have you gone back to the day and angrily said no over and over again in your head? If you get angry whenever you think about it, if you feel ugly, dirty and unwanted, worthless and even used, you were raped. Bottom line: any and all unwanted, un-mutually consented sex is rape.
- International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda defines it as “a physical invasion of a sexual nature committed on a person under circumstances which are coercive” (Wikipedia)
- Or a physical invasion of a sexual nature committed on a person under circumstances which are coercive (Wikipedia)
No one should ever force you to have sex, especially when you do not want to, whose body is it anyway? If you fall pregnant whose problem is it, should you die giving birth whose death is it, any STDs or STIs… yours so why consent to something you do not want?
Sex is and should be sacred, always mutually consented and should bring you closer, the next time (if you are unfortunate enough to come about the same situation again) say NO! If the guy persists, resist. If he gets forceful it’s ok, fight back if he succeeds it’s not OK BUT you have a case against him… he raped you, the evidence is there, put him in jail. Never forget that come what may, you have the power and never be afraid to defend yourself, you are valuable and no one has the right to abuse you.
Learn to recognize when you have been raped
It’s easy to recognize if it’s a person you do not know who attacks you, or a person you just met and dated once who jumps you (date rape). But when it’s you ‘friend’, buddy, boy friend or husband it’s harder to recognize. You already have feelings for the person, you trust them and you know that they would never mean you any harm. When they present that case to you, it would be like a tape re-run because by now you’ve already had this discussion and have said ‘no’ ( the worst thing you could say is ‘maybe’). He won’t be so forceful but he won’t stop when you ask him to; he may whisper calm words like ‘its ok’, ‘let’s just do it’, ‘I love you’, ‘ you know you want to do it’. He may look at you like he wants you and this will play on your feelings. You will feel compelled to agree but even then you will not feel right, this is the sign (concentrate on this feeling).
You may find yourself consenting but your insides will be screaming ‘NO’. You will find you are giving yourself a pep talk about how you want it (do not listen to that voice, because you don’t, f you did,your insides would NOT be talking like this), and after its over the only thing you will feel like doing is getting away(if you wanted it, you’d be cuddling after). You may think he did not notice but truth-be-told, men who have had sex before know the difference between a consented and a forced entry so… he did (and he may even tell you that he knew you were not ready later when you talk about it). He will not tell it to you then, at that moment, neither will he give you the option of stopping. He will also rush into it; any man interested in having sex with you apply’s a protocol (slow and careful). When it’s over he will thank you, congratulate you, fain concern, tell you he loves you or that he respects you or worst of all laugh at you.
Never believe it when he says he respects you, because if he did, he would never have made you do it. If he loved you his actions would be the same. FACT if he had any real feelings for you, he would treat you like a gem. The true sign of love from a man is that he would NEVER subject you to treatment he feels you would not like, enjoy or tolerate because a man’s primal instinct is to protect the woman he loves and if that woman is you then to him, no means no means no.
Never accept anything less than what you deserve, fight for it my sisters (and brothers alike) and do me a favour the next time you see that bastard, kick him in the balls!