Recently (and I feel this is purely a biological clock thing), I have been marooned on the island of loneliness. I think this is purely the residual results of being friends with a man who is trying to get back with an ex girlfriend.
I have been virtually man less my whole life.
The only relationships I have had with men were in the ‘Friend Zone type’ of relationships and then there was that one guy I experimented with, still in the friend zone until he got demanding.
My thinking was that when I got to high school, guys would be more mature… Well, the tall and short of it was that the good-looking guy was my sister’s love interest and apparently my best friend. In high school, boys made the best buds.
When I got to senior high, I was thinking ‘hmm the boys from Junior high got better as they aged’ aged wine is always better right? well,… I discovered that girls are real cool friends and completely forgot about the boys.
Then I thought, Uni, here we go. The truth is, you had better have had a man in high school because I am certain I missed out on all the cues, if the boys hit on me and I had such low self-esteem I figured if a guy talked to me he was just talking. I was told someone crushed on me and my reaction was that the man must have an eye defect. Then I got engrossed in trying to get to Med school, then my license, then just making it through school.
When I was finally done with Uni, most girls my age
had hooked all the good men and left the dunderhead who still had a lot to learn behind. I waited patiently for one to Bloom then realized that I would be swamped with work and my incessant lack of social life would never put me out there which was when I started experimenting with the one guy in the friend zone who found me attractive.
In all this time, I was comfortable with myself, happy
On my birthday this year it will be the second year after my target marriage date and a year after my first baby date. As I age and the clock ticks away I wonder if I really want to purse them anymore or if I should change my focus to carrier gratification: achieving my ultimate goal. Will I really be happy as an ‘Oprah’ or do I want to be ‘a successful mother of two’?as my younger siblings get married and plan to have babies, friends are getting and making proposals and people I know everywhere are in steady relationships my clock starts ticking!!!
All the Men I have spoken to (as my friends are now men) have noted that there is nothing wrong with me, they say that some men like their women short,some are turned on my babes in fighting sport, would appreciate an athletic build in a woman, love an independent career girl and would find me cute.I notice that in all their descriptions they refer to ‘some man’ who is NOT them, are dating women who are usually quite the opposite of that, have never complemented my looks and think I make a ‘great’ friend. Nothing beyond that.
So I am stuck in square one; overly practical, overly un approachable single me trying to be happy with my current state of affairs trying to figure out if I should pull an Oprah.
On the bright side…
Well I am still under 30