It seems that the theme for this year has been relationships, and I am just failing to overcome it. Other than having to deal with heart break as I realized a person I thought I had gotten over is actually and who is still very much a love interest of mine has found the person to complete him and is very much not interested in me (sob). Interestingly have to deal with these new men who keep coming up to me in my moments of peace and throwing me off.
It’s funny but suddenly, this year it seems my aura has opened and I am attracting men, or maybe it seem outwardly desperate. I used to be unnoticed but everywhere I go, someone goes out of their way now to say hi, to start a conversation to try their luck I guess. But the here is the problem, only one such guy so far has made me feel like I missed out (see blog on cyber letter in a bottle) every other guy is a creepy potential drug dealer, drunk, too young guy and they appear when I am in my quiet moments talking to God about dropping me a man.
My current love interest is no exception, he too would have received a cold shoulder had I met him on another day, in another time, had he approached me himself but he was lucky in that, I met him online and he was already a friend of my brother’s. So God’s jokes, keep finding me, he drops these guys that I brush off because I am not interested in meeting some stranger who has actually tried to make a connection (which I admire after the fact) but when I look at them I see danger or jokes. This last guy, he says to me ‘you must talk to people’ and walks away. But then adds the creepy effect by threatening to follow me home and suggesting I call the cops when I get there. He makes himself out as a romantic apparently because he believes in serendipity but when you see him, he is a creepy guy with a potential crime history.
Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned here but I am not sure where the lesson is, because if you engage with a person, you look at them, you talk to them they can and usually do get the wrong idea. However if you don’t, you could miss out on something great. I am stuck between wanting to meet someone but liking to get to know them better and establish a friendship before I get into a relationship and never getting into one for fear of trusting or getting to know the wrong person.
Perhaps the one thing I should do is what this love interest of mine said to me ad that is: have a little faith in me, because if I don’t, then who will?