Prayer- Salah

I have been a mess for over a month over some guy, a mess that left my body, my soul and my mind feeling literally hungry for this man. The issue is quite simply explained by the fact that I cannot pursue a relationship with the man, but as I age and my prospects thin out I guess desperation sinks in.

Some 2 years of crushing then falling deeply for a person I cannot pursue left me with a void I could no longer fill with work, gym or any mind and body exhausting activity because at the end of every daunting day, all I ever wanted was to fall literally into this man’s loving arms for some relief. That support and pillar you get from a loved one.

I knew the truth as did all elements of my reality and so, I filled my days to no end. There was no escaping the feeling, I wanted to be with this person, so I turned to prayer.

My prayer was simple;

‘Dear God, help me get over this man’ Amen (Ameen).

I was lying to my maker and I was lying to myself, every time I prayed my lie the feeling of guilt would leave me tossing and turning at night, the all mighty knew this and kept that fire burning. It took a while for me to realize that the prayer’s simple insincerity was the reason I was still dying for this guy. The All mighty was like ‘Girl, you know what you want, ask for it’.

I learned a valuable lesson about prayer from this experience; and that was that you cannot ever pray for something you do not sincerely want and actually get it. So finally defeated by my lie, I went before the lord, on my knees and said.

‘Dear God, please let this man love me…completely, this is what I want, this is what I need and this is what I crave’

It took a load off, I cried a simple tear of defeat, I lay down in bed, weight lifted and for the first time in months, I slept well. No more lies. And the Lord, gave me what I wanted most… relief.