As I sip on my green tea post a salad ans soup lunch, as usual delaying the inevitable…work. I think on cheating. Interesting thing this…cheating. Everyone has a strong opinion about how its ‘wrong’ and have sentenced cheaters to death then hell. But has anyone asked the cheater?
I have a perspective, having been on the cheating end myself. No, I was not in a relationship, but i know a couple of guys who have cheated and a few others who wanted to cheat, with me. Its interesting to see how they approach things.
A person in a relationship seems to have made a choice in partner. We do know what the situation is in that relationship, what we know is that these people have , conscious decision to stick to one person. However, for some reason, the then meet another person who may actually resemble in many ways their initial partner. This may actually cause some emotional confusion as they get to know this other person. Alternatively, their original partner may have ‘changed’, ‘Succumbed to a new set of ways’ that this person is not communicating to be the problem. Perhaps, the original partner is inadequate, they are too far, not giving enough attention, whatever the scenario, the cheater has found himself in a void that needs to be filled.
Now, the recipient of this cheater, the ‘Other person’, may or may not be informed about the relationship status of the cheater, cheat. usually, they are not in the know. But when they are in the know, you have to ask, ‘Why?, Why venture into another person’s relationship?’
The answer will vary from: ‘I was lonely’ to something as ridiculous as ‘I was just being a friend’, ‘I got carried away’, ‘I was curious’ and the all too common, ‘I like/ love him/her’.
What people fail to see or realize is that in the world of the cheater, he/she is not doing anything wrong…at first. Its like there are levels to cheating just like death. Denial (the whole, ‘I am not doing anything wrong’), then guilt and then if the cheater does not stop here, then indifference.
Ok, so your partner cheated, what now?
Well, if you are not in a committed relationship…simply leave. Admit that to this person you are in fact, inadequate. Yes, the do want to be with you, this is why they did not leave you or worse, they feel sorry for you. Whatever the situation, leave. Staying simply opens you up to abuse because your inadequacies will eventually become an emotional strain on this person who will feel ‘guilted’ into staying with you. Besides, when a cheater is exposed, I have come to find, it means that no longer care about you.
What happens if you are married? Complications ring. For starters, kindly refrain from being emotionally unstable and showing this to your partner. THAT you you giving your partner power. Never lose your temper and certainly never ‘make them pay’. Your revenge is simply, either you stay or you leave like they were inadequate and this was the opening you were looking for to leave. ‘Steal, their power’.
Now, in a whole other situation, and purely by example. If you are ‘Strong’ and want to stick around forever like your vows. Take this advice from my late gran. When my granddad ran off with his girlfriends, she made plans to make money and transport her illiterate self and their 7-9 children to wherever he had shacked up with his girlfriend and settle in. Simple. Sh did not cry, beat or make a scene. she simply, showed up with their children and moved in. My grandparents, broke up when my grandfather died a year before my grandmother died.