I have been told many times that I have high and unrealistic expectations. I have also been told that until and unless I get onto a relationship, I shall continue to have unrealistic immovable expectations and this shall be my downfall. I cannot explain my position in relationships beyond what I know and what I expect of people. All I know is that if you want me, want me and be with me…for me and not my cookies.
I do feel that I was a victim of pussy control. Yes, I have my shit in tact and I am a firm believer in the old adage, ‘No ding ding, without a wedding ring’. I know that this is backward, and many of my married friends say that in my thirties it is expected that I should be giving up my cookies to every man I date as it is expected of me but still. Any man committed to you who actually likes you enough to want to put up with you will wait for that cookie.
I cannot fathom a life where i give up some nookie to make a man happy especially if that nookie will drive me off the edge. He wont stay, nookie is no guarantee, with humans nothing is. So why must I compromise myself, my sanity, my health and my womb (life) for a little fun with someone unsure when I could simply compromise my time for the same ‘unsure deal?’
When I saw my ex who had suddenly run our of time to have a relationship (which is why I let him go) waltzing through the mall with a woman he did not like, and Is known to give that cookie willingly suddenly act all surprised and hurt when he saw me and I ignored him. You can imagine how my mind broke.I was exchanged… for something worthless (not true, she is a nice girl)
I hate sex, I hate that sex is the currency with which we now pay for relationships. I want to keep my treasure trove of sex for a person willing to invest time and real feelings for ME and who sees the potential sex as this amazing privileged it is meant to be. I want to do it, I am not some insane unsexed individual. I DO get a little horny sometimes. I just don’t want to ‘walk of shame’ it home. I don’t want to have sex with 1 million people especially when ALL men feel that sex with even 1 person is plenty.
Sex complicates things. You are taking someone into you (if you are a woman). I was told once, to consider that if I have sex with a man, I am committing my life, my body to him because if I get AIDS or Herpes that’s a life sentence, If I fall pregnant, I am stuck with him for life… and I could die giving birth. BOOM. So NOH!!! I cant just have sex. I cant do it.
OMG and the bullshit I got ‘I don’t come easy so you wont fall pregnant’ DO YOU CUM? If you do, then I could. Simple. Its biology. When do you think the sex ends IDIOT!!! When YOU cum.