This time…I decided never to go back
I was with mom when my brother moaned about having me over for the week. He wanted some time alone. I have no Idea when I went from being a house mate, to being an unwanted house guest. But conversations later, it became abundantly clear, it was a long time coming.
Booted once again, in the streets with my parents for company, I set to find a home in the suburbs somewhere near but not too close to my estranged brother. Moved in with the two suitcases I has packed for another trip and tried to settle.
The reality of it being that, the bitter feelings that needed to be expelled soured the victory of the moment and dampened my mood. When my parents left me that next morning, tears welled up. Not because I missed them, but because I was mad at my brother.
I decided to collect my belonging, but he wanted to drop them off himself, the guise was to see where I lived. I did not want his aura in my new space. My chakras were misaligned and the bile of rage was still in my throat. I sought out advice and everyone asked me to be the bigger man and perhaps see his side of things.
Where and HOW must I sympathize with a person who unceremoniously threw me out and wont allow me to fetch my belongings myself? I have yet to share my address with ANYONE because there is nothing nice about this place.
It is warm and secure, but my housemate was just locked out of her room because she did not pay her rent! How is this comforting in any way? We looked down as a family on my sister’s cheating hubby (another story for another day) and my brother cant host me as I set up.
If I continue seething it ruins my little victory. But if I celebrate I fuel his. This little dilemma is depriving me of sleep.